What Business Owners Can Learn From My Birthday

It’s the week of my birthday, and as I like to do every year, I write about what I’ve learned. Sometimes I’ve learned more about my work, and sometimes more about myself.

This past year was a little more difficult than others have been, but experience is a strong teacher. Whether I like it or not!

Grief affects productivity in the workplace

I’d seen this happen a few years ago before to a friend of mine at work whose best friend died unexpectedly. And sometimes you’re not aware the grief is coming. I was grieving my mother even before she died, because she was very sick and not admitting the truth of it to herself.

When loved ones are sick, it’s hard to concentrate on work or other relationships. Part of your brain is taken up by how you’re going to get care for your loved one and how long it will take and what you need to do to prep them (and you) for getting through the illness.

There are a lot of unnecessarily complicated things that have to be taken care of when someone is sick because our healthcare system is a mess, even when you have good insurance (which my mother fortunately did.)

Then, not in all cases but certainly in mine, all those death arrangements. But even after the little errands have been taken care of, there’s still a lot of headspace devoted to grief. Especially when it’s complicated.

I was fortunate enough to be able to slow down my business when I was taking care of my mom and then in the aftermath of her death. Definitely a perk of entrepreneurship, to be able to take as much time as necessary. I was still working, because work is good for me, but it was a lot harder for me to focus than it usually is. 

I had to give myself a break, which doesn’t exactly come easily to me. But once I recognized that grief does take up a lot of space, I was able to give myself a little compassion about pausing my business during the sad season. Of course grief’s still there and has a way of sneaking back when I least expect it, but I’ve got my concentration back.

I’m on the extreme edge of a productive day & need to meet clients where they are

If you do what I do, you’ll be extremely productive. But you won’t have the excuse of being busy all the time. You’ll be smarter about priorities and devoting yourself to them without worrying about the little things that aren’t big movers of your business.

You won’t be seeing emails as they come in, much less answering them right away. This is a huge sticking point for lots of people because we’ve all been trained to answer them right away. And no lie, there’s a little ego gratification in the thought that you’re so important you must open emails right away!

But most people, whether they believe it or not, rarely need to answer emails right away. Most of the time if someone sends a follow-up it’s because it wasn’t acknowledged. You can get around that problem pretty easily with an autoresponder, and also by setting aside time to batch emails and communicating about when you check emails.

But that’s pretty hardcore, and people are nervous to try it. The most important time to avoid emails and notifications is when you’re trying to focus. What if you killed notifications just during the time that you’re concentrating on thinky work? Of course, you’ll know when is the best time to do that work when you know what your sleep chronotype is (bear, dolphin, lion, wolf.)

There really is a circle of life

As I was getting ready to get on the road for what ended up being the last few weeks of my mom’s life, my friend’s daughter was getting ready to have her baby. My cousins’ kids are pairing up and getting married or otherwise getting serious, so I think my cousins on my mom’s side are expecting to be grandparents any time.

Sometimes the circle of life seems cruel, but actually it made me feel a little bit better. To be going through an experience that most of us go through, knowing that new life comes all the time. A parent’s death can be isolating, and feeling like a part of the universe actually helps healing because it’s not so lonely.

The people who most support you aren’t always the first ones you think of

A couple of my college friends really came through for me, though that fact wasn’t so surprising. The three of us have always been there for each other in one way or another. But there were some people I didn’t hear from, which was a surprise. And a couple of my cousins really stepped in, which I wasn’t expecting as we weren’t super close growing up.

Not everyone has the capacity to be there when the grief is intense, and that’s OK. Just something to factor in. Because not everyone can be everything for you, and expecting someone who really isn’t able to support you emotionally to do so just hurts you both.

Recap (tl;dr):

Last year had some difficult ordeals for me, but somehow I made it through. Self-compassion is important when you’re grieving, and recognizing when you can’t give your whole brain to your work is important.

If there’s another reason you have a hard time bringing your whole brain to work, let’s chat (book time with me here). If you’re a business owner, I might be able to help you and your team break through a plateau you’re experiencing.